Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Tasty Drinks

I am convinced that I am a Bartending Genius.

I am reminded of my serious talent as I sip the latest drink I invented, the Blackberry Martini. This is no bitch-ass faggy fruity martini such as you might find in a so-called "Martini Bar", but an actual TASTY Man's Drink. The ingredients are gin (either Tanqueray Ten or Tower of London -- other gins do not work well with blackberries. I tried Bombay Sapphire, Citadel, and regular Tanqueray) and a tiny bit of vermouth.

I know it was you and me and R.D. and several others who fantasized about opening a bar called HONDO'S BABY, but I'm starting to think this is an excellent venture for our Retirement Years. Maybe we can open a bar like this, that serves Serious Drinks for Serious People with Serious Money. We can start in New York and then expand to Amsterdam.

For food, we would have regional American Cuisine. I don't know about you, but in my travels, I have not been able to get anything that even remotely compares to Chicago Pizza or the Italian Beef Sayndvich. Add to this the impeccable Boston Steak Tip Sayndvich or the incomparable Baltimore Crab Cake or the New Orleans Po Boy or the Phillie Steak N Cheese or the no nonsense South Side Polish Saysage or Milwaukee Bratwurst -- you see what I mean.

Consider this in the context of the latest drinks I have been perusing. Since lately we have experienced the Kentucky Derby -- oh, excuse me:

wELL WHEN YOU'RE SITTING BACK IN YOUR LONG PINK CADILLAC MAKING BETS ON KENTUCKY DERBY DAY I'LL BE IN MY BASEMENT ROOM WITH AN NEEDLE AND A SPOON AND A COUPLE A GRILS TO TAKE MY PAIHN AWAY...(ETC.) I went and purchased a fine Seersucker Suit in which I look BAD ASS and determined to become extremely skilled in the creation of the Mint Julep. For this you need Fresh Mint and excellent Bourbon.

And, related to the Mint Julep, strangely enough, is the Cuban Mojito. Living in Tampa, I am intimately familiar with the Mojito, which is basically a Mint Julep without the Bourbon (substitute white rum for the bourbon).

So yeah, where it comes down is that I Am A Bartending Genius, particularly when it comes to the construction of Martinis. Martinis are composed of Pure and Simple Ingredients. They are best when combined with premium vodkas (Grey Goose, Precis, etc.), premium Gins (tanqueray ten, tanqueray malacca, citadel, tower of london, bombay sapphire), and pure herbal ingredients such as fresh mint, fresh blackberries, fresh strawberries, etc.

Harvard has a weekend bartending course that you can take, after which you get a Master's Degree from harvard university in Mixology. I am so fucking going to do that, to add to my diploma from them for Neurotology/Skull Base Surgery. Then I'll have some credentials, bitches...

okay. sorry for rambling.